


Can't find my way home

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ambiguous Relationships, Dirty Talk, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-23 03:42:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3753208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an argument with his sister in Portland, Dipper gets lost on his way back to Gravity Falls and finds a blonde hitchhiker with the same destination, little did they know they were more lost than they thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dipper was lost, there was no denying it anymore. He's been driving for two hours and saw only two cars, all signs had apparently disappeared. A friend's long playlist was all he had left of the real world. The scenery repeated itself in a seamless loop of pines and rocks and he started to worry if he wasn't driving in circles, even if it was a straight road.

Fortunately to him, the repetition was broken by a man walking next to the highway, he turned to see Dipper's car and smiled, raising his thumb. Dipper slowed down and stopped a little further, he rushed after.

“Where are you heading to?” Dipper asked. The man approached the car, his hair was the colour of wheat and he had a peculiar eyepatch. His dishevelled white shirt was unbuttoned, showing his tanned chest.

“Gravity Falls.” He panted, good news it seemed, maybe Dipper was in the right way.

“Do you know how to get there from here?”

“No idea. I was in another car, but the driver was vile.” He shivered in disgust.

“I'm going there too, but...” He felt ashamed to admit. “I'm kinda lost, maybe you should wait for someone who actually knows where it is.”

“I'm going to take my chances, I've been walking for almost an hour and haven't seem anyone, my feet are killing me.”

“If you say so, get in.” Dipper unlocked the door and the man got inside, setting his backpack on his lap and gripping tightly to it. “What are you heading there for?”

“Work, delivery.”

“Delivery? Don't you have your own car?”

“Let's say my company has a terrible manager and not enough cars.” Said the hitchhiker, staring out of the window. Dipper felt he shouldn't pry more. “What's your business there?” He asked.

“I live there, I was just coming back from Portland.”

“Do you like it?”

“Love it, but it's definitely not for everyone.” Dipper had to admit that, even without all the paranormal stuff, the town and people themselves were an anomaly, probably the reason he liked it so much. “I'm Dipper, by the way.”

“Dipper? Like the constellation?”

“Asterism, actually.” Dipper corrected, he always liked this part. “It's a pattern of stars.”

“Huh...” The man appeared thoughtful, some (most) people just rolled their eyes. “I'm William. How long have you been driving?”

“Two hours or so.”

“Don't you have a map or a GPS?”

“I have a GPS, but this worthless junk isn't working.” He tapped at the machine on his console, the screen showed coloured glitched lines and turned off.

“Technology, can't count on it.” The passenger grumble, Dipper nodded.

He turned his spotlights on as the trees started to cast thick shadows on the road, the sun glared from their gaps and Dipper found himself annoyed by this constant shift of light. He lowered his cap, but it made no difference.

“Nice hat.” The passenger commented.

“Thanks.” Dipper said, “Hey, do you have a cellphone? Mine is busted.”

“Wow, you're having no luck today, huh.” Will smirked.

“I took it from my pocket and the screen was just shattered, it won't turn on. I can't even remember dropping it.”

“Well, I'm no luck either. The battery drained long time ago.”

“Can't you charge it on my car?” Dipper scratched his scruffy beard, it was time for some grooming.

“No charger.” The man shrugged. “I left in a hurry, at least I have my toothbrush.” He faced Dipper with a big shining smile, his teeth were hollywood perfect, Dipper noted.

“Priorities, I guess.”

They drove until the sun no longer clashed through the trees. The only other car they saw was a hearse that crossed them, Will made a cynical comment that left a bitter taste in Dipper's mouth. Both sighed in relief when they caught a glimpse of civilization, it wasn't Falls, but it was something.

They stopped at a diner that looked like any other highway restaurant, except for the glaring mustard yellow décor.

“Excuse me.” Dipper approached the waitress in the counter. “Where are we?”

She smiled and gave them a menu, he looked at Will who shrugged. They were led to a table, Dipper pinched his nose, he was hungry though.

“Do you have a map or anything that you can show us?” But all that returned was the same toothy smile that made him uneasy.

He started to feel a headache.

“I'll have some waffles and coffee, black.” Will said.

Dipper gave up. “A pancake and orange juice, please.” The waitress started to scribble on a paper. “And a map with our location.”

When she left, Dipper raised an eyebrow to Will, the other shrugged again.

“If you want to ditch me, you can do it anytime you want.” The brunet said, running his fingers below his hat, showing his dotted forehead. Will smirked at it.

“You want me to?” The blonde asked.

“No, it's...” He looked out of the window to a liquor store across the street, a certain temptation hit him. “It's nice to have company.”

“Then I'm sticking with you.” Will had his arms stretched out on his seat, pulling his shirt and showing his entire torso glimmering with sweat, but what really made Dipper's jeans uncomfortably hot was his sly Cheshire cat smirk.

“Your shirt is open.” Dipper pointed and avoided staring, but his eyes were magnetized.

“Yeah, it's hot out there.” The man did nothing to cover it.

The waitress arrived with their food and handed a sheet of paper to Dipper. A map of Oregon with a red X marked in a spot that sent shocks of anxiety over him. He held his exploding skull and fell back to his seat. “You are messing with me, aren't you?” but the waitress kept her smile and left.

“Bad news?” Will asked, mouth full of waffles.

Dipper passed him the map, they were closer to California than Falls.

“How did I end up here? That's impossible!” Dipper cried, he lost his appetite.

-

The sun was gone by the time they left the diner, the dusk sky was a dark blue shade, the lights on the streets were on. A vacant sign glowed red next to the diner.

“I guess we'll have to spend the night.” Dipper sighed.

He brought the car to the motel's parking lot while Will checked in. The sign turned off. He got to a payphone by the entrance, calling his granduncle, but no one answered, he was probably too distracted with the TV. He tried Soos, who still lived in Falls, but to no avail.

“We'll have to share it, I hope you don't mind.” Will said, one key in hand. Dipper shrugged, it really wasn't a big deal to him as many men made it.

The room was a portal to the 90's, but he expected nothing less. Its brown furniture was of cheap or fake wood, but the bed was big enough for the two.

“I need a shower.” Dipper stated, his clothes felt disgusting in his body.

“Go ahead.” Will said, setting up his bag.

The bathroom was clean on the surface. Narrow and without a window it was kind of claustrophobic. He brought his own towel, hanging it next to the shower. It took him a while to get the perfect temperature, already used to the extreme difficult task back at the shack, but this one proved to be a worthy opponent. However as soon as he got it right, he was blessed, even with the small shower head, washing his headache along with the sweat.

He left the room to Will sitting with legs crossed on the cheap chair, pants off, the shirt entirely unbuttoned. He poured vodka in a glass, offering it to Dipper, a smirk that could kill.

“I can't, I'm driving remember?” He refused.

“Tomorrow. Why don't you relax tonight?” Will said, taking a long gulp from the glass, he didn't cringe. “We got a long day ahead of us.”

Suddenly, they were so close to each other, the blonde twirling the glass below Dipper's nose, the aroma made him thirsty. “Okay, just a little.” He accepted, taking a smaller swig than fellow traveller and cringed, there was more than just vodka on that.

Music started playing from the small radio next to the tv. Will shook his hips while pouring a drink from two different bottles.

“They are going to kick us out.” Dipper said, his foot, however, was tapping to the rhythm.

“Let them try.” He took another long swig.

“Easy there.”

“I don't do easy.” He said in a serious tone that sent shivers down Dipper's spine. He had to watch for this guy. The last thing he needed was someone thrashing the room and leaving him to pay. He took another small sip, deciding to linger with this much, no way he was getting hangover tomorrow. Yet he had to keep drinking if he wanted to fall asleep and after a while he was on his third glass.

Apparently, Will had the same I idea. He let his shirt fall off, stumbling close to Dipper, the smell of alcohol on his breath. “Don't be so shy.” He wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer. Dipper wanted to push him away, but there was something intoxicating on his smile.

They started spinning, gaining speed.

“Stop, you're going to throw up on me.” He couldn't help his laugher. “Stop!”

Will inebriation was sorta hilarious, they were both spinning until they stumbled to the bed, the semi-naked blonde on top of him.

“Get some sleep.” Dipper said, having trouble to breathe.

“You're not going to take advantage over a drunk, will you?” He asked, a playful smile.

“I'm not that kind of person.”

Their bodies were unconsciously entangling and Dipper was reacting to it, the man slithered on him, rubbing against, almost humping him. The least drunk one rolled the other underneath him, the man giggled. Dipper unveiled the blanket underneath and tucked the drunk in, but he wouldn't stop giggling.

“Shut up.” Dipper laughed along, he turned the radio off and laid next to him.

He felt something wet on his lips, blood dripping from his nose. Tired and intoxicated, he got up to the bathroom, stuck a couple of toilet paper on his nose and brushed it aside, going back to bed.

“Goodnight, Pi-” Will coughed. “Goodnight, Dipper.”

“Goodnight, Will.”


	2. Chapter 2

Dipper was spoiled, his hitchhiker paid for the motel and now was paying for the gas. He insisted and Dipper wasn't going to say no at free gas. Will wore expensive aviator sunglasses even inside the diner as they had breakfast, the events of last night were unspoken. Dipper preferred it like that, Will didn't look regretful either. He had to admit, if this was to happen again, he'd go all the way.

They had the same thing they had for dinner as the driver studied the map intently.

“One road, roughly six hours.” He stated, tracing the same path again and again. “There's no way we can get lost.”

“You just jinxed it.”

Dipper sent a poisonous look to the man across the table. He had the same nonchalant pose, but Dipper had buttoned his shirt before he left with it totally open. “ _You'll be doing the opposite tonight.”_ Will whispered and Dipper pushed him away laughing and hiding his red cheeks.

They finished their breakfast and headed to a general store, spending thirty dollars in snacks and drinks. Will seemed fascinated with nachos, buying three big packs and left complaining about having to compromise with cheap ice tea.

Outside a woman cried by a smashed car, a couple of citizens watched over her. Dipper checked his car for any bends.

The noon sun penetrated through the leaves above them in cones of light creating a mosaic on the street. For a while they didn't speak, the music, sound of munching food and the wind were the only noises. The passenger distracted himself reading the packages and  _ 'finding the perfect nacho',  _ the ones disqualified he fed to Dipper. 

“What are the prime characteristics of the perfect nacho?” Dipper asked.

“Size, smell, texture. It's hard to explain.” Will answered, judging a nacho before placing it beneath Dipper's mouth, the driver rolled his eyes accepted.

“Thanks for letting me have the rejects.”

“Your mind is too feeble, any nacho is good enough for you. I'll have to teach you to recognize the one true nacho.” He said, and started a lecture on the perfect angles and taste. Dipper laughed at the logic. “You'll never see nachos the same way again, it's your enlightenment.”

Great, he was riding with a nacho obsessed lunatic.

\---

“You want me to drive?” Will asked, three hours in.

“It's okay, I'm in the zone.” Dipper smiled, his friend's playlist reset. “How long are you staying in Falls?”

“I don't know, maybe a night.” Will stared at him, his visible eyebrow was crooked.

“If you can't find a hotel, you can crash at my place.”

“I'd be delighted.”

“It's not really mine,” Dipper corrected “my granduncle lives there, but I pay a fraction of the rent, so...”

“So we can't be loud.” Will smirked.

Blood rushed to the driver's cheeks and he almost hit the breaks.

“I'm just joking!” Will laughed, “Or am I? Is he deaf?”

Dipper shook his head and looked away.

“Can I ask what you are delivering anyway? Before I let a drug dealer inside my place.” “Oh, you caught me.” Will raised his hands. “It's a very special item for a very special customer.”

“Just one? Couldn't you just mail it?”

“Oh no, this one must be face to face. It's a very important person.”

“If you say so.”

“What do you do there?” Will leaned against the dashboard, a hand supported his face as he stared at the driver and chewed on a straw.

“I work at a souvenir, tourist trap store owned by my Grunkle.”

“It's just you two?”

Dipper gulped, his hands gripped the wheel harder. “Yeah.” He mumbled.

“Must be boring.” Will commented, starting to move to the music.

“Not really, my sister comes from time to time and I have a friend there that helps.”

“Sister, hm? Younger, older?”

“We are twins, but she'll say she is the oldest.” Dipper chuckled, she loved to tease him and she did every time, acting like that five minutes gap was five years. He was often annoyed, but laughed about it later.

“Where is she now?”

Dipper remained silent for a while, staring at the road that swerved slightly ever so often. “In Portland, I was visiting her and a friend.”

“Why did you stay behind on Falls?” The way Will phrased it hit a nerve on him.

“I don't know.” He dismissed bluntly, narrowing his eyes to the road. Will apparently picked up on it and faced the window.

Dipper didn't mean to lash out, but his feelings on the matter were still fresh on the surface. He had hurt people and was doing his best to patch things up, but the opportunities were fewer as time passed by.

He yearned for some release of tension, to drop it all on the stranger next to him, in a bar or in bed, but not now.

He had to go home.

–

Four hours in, the sun was behind them, hidden behind a thicker layer of leaves. They passed through a road kill, a dead rabbit laid to the side of the street. The highway felt more lifeless than ever. Dipper started to see double, the yellow lines crossed and diverged, he started to sway the wheel softly, he's been behind it for way too long.

“I don't feel good, hold on.” He parked the car by the side of the road.

The passenger pointed at his nose. “Your nose is bleeding.”

“What the hell?” He wiped his hand, a red wet trail on his finger.

“What are you feeling?”

“Dizziness. Light headed.”

Will's one eye stared at him intently. “I can't tell, you need to get that checked later.”

“Maybe is the dryness combined with exhaustion.” Dipper guessed, he was used to those symptoms. “Can you take the wheel?”

“Sure.”

Will left the car and Dipper crawled to his seat, as he settled down, the dizziness diminished.

When the car was back on the road, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

“Wake me up if you need anything.”

-

When he opened his eyes, it was already sunset. The sky was an angry red dotted with clouds of a darker, bloodier, shade. They drove through the exact same thick woods, the sharp pitch black shadows wouldn't let him see past the first line of trees. His reflection in the window with the two red tissues stuck in his nose was almost haunting.

“Will, where are we? It's almost night time.” He straightened himself on his seat.

“I don't know, I've been driving straight all this time. There's nothing else!” Will raised his voice to match Dipper's, his hand gestured to the road.

“No, no, no. Not again.” Dipper pressed his temples, setting his head on the dashboard.

“Relax, Dipper. Maybe it's taking a little longer than you thought. We'll get there.”

“Do we even have enough fuel?”

Will looked down at the gauges and went sour, Dipper mimicked his expression. “Well...”

After an hour of constant anxiety, Dipper perked when he saw lights in the distance, yet it wasn't Falls.

“I swear if this is Seattle, I won't be surprised.” He said, rising his seat.

The small town looked a carbon copy of the last one. Dipper was euphoric to get out of the car as they stopped at the gas station, stretching himself and fighting the urge to scream. He started to fuel it. Will offered to pay again, it was futile to argue.

They parked into the inn adjacent to the station, dividing the pay for the same room. He intended to relieve some tension and Will seemed more than eager to oblige. There was no need to play coy anymore, he was exhausted and impatient, might as well get some action in the meantime.

Dipper tried a payphone again, calling his sister, his grunkle and his friend Wendy, but he only heard dial tone on all three. They couldn't know it was him, so why not answer? Weren't they worried? Or had he lost that privilege too?

The motel's owner was a useless bloke that only grunted in response, raising an eyebrow with disgust when the two men asked for one room. He pointed his greasy finger to a spot in the map that Dipper though was completely random, he needed a “second opinion”.

If it wasn't, well...

“How in the world we ended up here, are you sure you followed the road right?” Dipper asked, outside of their room.

“I told you already, it was just a straight line. Nothing more.” Will answered, opening the door to another brown room, this time however it was dotted in red details, the neon sign outside pronounced the colour even more, making it glow unnaturally. They dropped their bags anywhere.

“I saw a cool looking bar when we arrived, let's go check it out.” Will said, unfolding a black vest from his bag.

“You are going to make me look bad.” Dipper commented, his friend looked dandy.

“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? It's gruesome that someone so handsome should care.” Will said, straightening his vest.

Dipper laughed to ignore the heat on his cheeks. He knew his stubble beard was a hit, at least on the eyes of his last partner, but the bags under his eyes weren't as flattering.

“Just put some deodorant, ok?” His sole eye blinked, Dipper thought it was going to awkward, but Will pulled it off. “Not that I don't like it, but...” He bit through his smile “I'll be outside.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's up with pseudonyms if my original name still shows up...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is the reason this story is E instead of M. Sexual depravity ahead

 For Dipper's confusion, the bar was also red. “Must be a theme” Will commented, but he only found it unnerving, it didn't help that the same colour already dripped from his nose twice.

He was seeing red, in both senses.

A live band played droning guitars and a eerie trombone to a mostly empty audience, one lonely guy danced with a hula-hoop, another woman was in a trance by the speakers, a couple of patrons were enamoured with each other. He had a flashback to a similar place in Portland, right before all that bullshit happened.

“Let's have a drink.” He said, Will eagerly followed him to the bar.

They ordered the strongest cocktail in the house, he had forgotten what was in it before they even sat down, remaining in silence as the rest of the patrons. Will stared down his glass, intrigued by the reflections when the spotlight hit it. Dipper was enthralled by the band playing, he took a swig whenever his sister's face appeared in his mind.

By the second glass, she disappeared. He had a third and a forth for safety.

Will snapped his fingers in front of him, making him blink in surprise. He was next to the brunet, extending a hand. Dipper accepted and was led to the small dance floor. The lady was now dancing, the hula-hoop man remained strong, twirling with mastery.

They started simple, apart from each other, nodding their heads and moving their bodies side to side, Will started to close the gap and Dipper laid his head on the taller man's shoulder, holding to him, not sexually, but almost pleading for comfort.

Will played with the locks of his hair, twirling his fingers on Dipper's curls, one arm holding him steady. They rocked slowly to the entrancing sound. He could fell the man's breath on his ear, the way his hand massaged his scalp, the perfect strength of his hold.

Dipper wanted to cry and he wanted to kiss that man, he wanted to say sorry to his sister and he wanted to feel Will's body and he wanted to die.

But most of all, he wanted to go home, with his family, his friends. The way it used to be, but there was no way back, no matter how much he tried.

“I messed up, Will” Dipper whispered in the man's ear. “I pushed everyone that loved me away.” He started to shiver. “They were only trying to help me, and I shoved them away.”

The man petted his head, ruffling his hair.

“I'm so selfish and stupid.”

Will shushed and caressed his face, wiping away a tear he didn't feel coming. “Don't cry, I'm here, you can lean on me.” He felt ashamed, but his friend, this hitchhiker that's been in his life for no more than two days, was all he could see at that moment, all that he had.

They kissed, slowly, waltzing to the song's tempo, their embrace became tighter, more passionate. Will tasted of liquor, Dipper could taste all the cocktails they had in his tongue, it was literally intoxicating. He had to stop for air. Will started to spin them around slightly, he giggled.

“No, I'm too drunk.” He mumbled on the man's shoulder, smelling the expensive cologne that he bragged about earlier. “I shouldn't be drinking.”

“Shush, let's go to our room.” Will smirked, Dipper hiccuped.

The motel was walking distance from the bar, they stumbled and giggled, unable to walk a straight line for more than a couple of seconds. The town was dead, crickets sang from the bushes and moths bundled at lamp posts, beside them the two drunks were the only living creatures.

Dipper giggled at Will struggling to walk past crumbled pavement. He wanted the man, he desired him. They sat at the pavement, leaning against a mailbox.

“What the-” Dipper looked at a stumbling silhouette holding a bottle. He tried to focus at the drunk man, but he was too dizzy, was the man bleeding, was that his hat? A sense of dread overtook him, and he swallowed his bile. “Let's go.” Will pulled him up, turning him away from the sign, and forced Dipper not to look back. He started to feel better when the man started to caress him.

-

The passionate kiss turned into something ferocious. They grappled and fought their way to the bed, ripping each other's clothes, sending them flying across the room. Will pinned him to the mattress, nipping Dipper's throat and making him swoon, he grabbed Dipper's hat from the nightstand and put it on the owner's head, who laughed at the strange fascination with it, maybe it was a fetish?

Their hands explored each other, Will clawed his sides, pinched, bit. His back arched with the pain and ecstasy, he never had it rough, his last partner was too delicate, too romantic in bed.

The room was a haze of keen red that burned his eye. The man looked vicious on top of him, an animal, a beast, a vermilion clad demon with a glowing famished eye.

Dipper's skin was boiling, glimmering with sweat, bright white spots among a pool of blood. His bottom stung, not used to be on this position, he winced when the man touched him there, like a torn that cut him deep.

Will growled, a sound that resonated within Dipper's ears, a cold sweat descended all over him, the fear of a prey being stalked. Two hands wrapped around his throat, making him panic and he tried to pry away, but the disorienting feeling was both thrilling and terrifying.

He needed the man on top to punish him, to defile him, he begged for it in his screams. Never before he though something so violent could fuel him so, he wanted blood on sheets, to become primal. So Will moved faster, hitting stronger, going deeper.

The bed creaked, his fingers ripped the bedspread. The alcohol twisted his vision, the room shifted around him. The lack of oxygen got his blood pumping. His senses scrambled. Somewhere blood poured, his throat maybe, or his lips, or Will's mouth, he didn't know. He wasn't within himself, dreaming of flying, of leaving his body.

Will let go of his throat and hugged him, Dipper fought for air, blood rushing to his head. His teeth clenched, tearing the skin from the man's shoulder, tasting his sweat and blood. Will collapsed on top of him, he gripped the hot body, digging his nails in the wet skin, afraid that the man would disappear or he would wake up from a dream. He shivered violently, panted erratic.

They kissed like lovers, a comforting warm embrace, Will petted him, laying kisses on bruises and licking his wounds as an apology.

He hugged him until his vision faded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holla at me if you know where the bar scene is from


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon says Bill's guilty pleasure is The Cranberries

He woke up in a shock, a bolt of electricity that sent him to the floor. Vague flashbacks of a nightmare, all he remembered was sparks and metal.

He moaned at the pain that crossed his body and revived last night in his head. Dipper was bruised, damaged, violated, relieved, healed, revived. His torso had claw marks, red and purple skin, his belly ached, his bottom...Well...

The room was blue filtered by the cream white curtain. The bed was torn, blood stains on the floral sheets and ripped cloth. Will laid with his marked back turned to him, a deeper cut in his shoulder bled.

“Will?” Dipper muttered, his voice was hoarse, his throat stung and dry. He sat on bed and stroked his lover's bruised torso. Outside, birds sang a disjointed tune that didn't served his headache well. “Wake up, we have to go.”

The man moaned in protest,“Let's sleep a little more, hmm?” He looked irresistible, if the bed wasn't disgusting and Dipper wasn't sore, they would do it again.

“The bed needs to be incinerated, we better leave a good tip.” Will ignored him. “If you wake up right now, you can shower with me.” Dipper proposed, whispering in his ear, that perked the man, who jolted out of bed. “You really have your priorities set straight.” Said the man wearing only a pine tree hat.

They got under the narrow shower together, taking it easy with their bruises, lathering each other with care. The blond ran his hands through the brunette's locks, untangling them.

“Should I?” Dipper asked, his hand laid next to the eyepatch that was getting wet.

Will took the hand and kissed instead, “Don't.”

Dipper nodded, Will pulled him into a deep kiss, the smaller man melted in his arms, hands sliding on soaped skin, comforting wounds. The warm water was perfect enough not to hurt his bruises. Will squeezed his ass and he jumped, but the blonde had a stronger grip and pushed Dipper to the wall, arousing him enough, “let me apologize for yesterday” Will whispered in his ear and slid down, raising Dipper's leg on his shoulder. Dipper was in awe.

This was strange for him, he had only one partner in his life and now he was having rough sex in a motel room with a stranger. When his twin said he was a little damage, she wasn't wrong, but when so many people leave your life at the same time, it's hard to care at all. And the way Will kissed and stroked him, the dividing line between love and lust, he longed for it.

“Ever had a man before?” Will asked him while Dipper patched him up, cleaning bite marks and scratches they inflicted on themselves felt very intimate. They did a number on each other, Will with a bite mark in his shoulder and the skin in his arms torn, Dipper had cuts all over his body.

“Yeah, I'm usually not in that position though.” He said, feeling the aftermath as he crouched next to the man.

Will chuckled. “How was him?”

Dipper bit his lips, “Different.”

“How different?”

Will was left hanging, when his last wound was covered up, Dipper stood up and locked himself in the bathroom without a word.

His lips were red and swollen, pink lines marked his throat. He washed his eyes before tears start coming. What he felt, and maybe kept feeling even after it was over, for his past lover was love in it's most known meaning. The love from stupid romcom movies he hated, the love that didn't need sex to cuddle in bed, or alcohol.

Yet, Dipper wasn't a romantic like his ex, that kind of love was like a decaying carrion for him, and he hated himself immensely for feeling this way. For the things he said and didn't say. So it confused him if he would ever want to feel this way over Will.

If Will would ever want to feel this way over him.

He unlocked the door and gave the man a peck on his lips. “Sorry, just don't push the subject anymore, ok?” Dipper said, grabbing his clothes, Will nodded. “Let's find out where we are and get out of here before anyone sees the room.”

–

To their demise, the location the man pointed was correct, they were closer this time, but not enough. Stashed with more trash food, they got back on the road. Three hours, Dipper thought. If in three hours he wasn't in his house, calling his sister and begging for forgiveness, he would freak out.

For every second, his desire to go home was tenfold.

“It's repeating again, that's like, the fifth time?” Will pointed out the playlist looping again.

“It's over 2 hours long, that's show's you how long we drive sometimes.” Dipper skipped the song. “Are you bored? The radio isn't any better.”

He was right, whenever they could hear something that wasn't interference, it was people screaming at each other and laughing or a sugary pop song that made Will wince.

“Not into pop music?” Dipper asked, switching back to his mostly acoustic playlist his friend Wendy set up for him, _“good highway music”_ she said, yet Dipper felt that some songs were set to send him a message, ' _You messed up, fix it before it's too late'_ .

“I can't stand the noises they make.” Will commented.

“My sister listens to it all the time, I kinda grow fond to it, ironically mostly, but they are fun in the right situation.”

“The only right situation for this is a torture room.”

“You're not wrong there, they actually do that.” They chuckled.

A couple of cars passed by them, a good sign, he wanted to believe, even if they were going the opposite direction.

“Do you-” Dipper stuttered, “Do you think you can stay for a while when we get there?”

Will smiled, “I'm out of schedule, but that won't be a problem.”

“Are you sure? I don't want you getting fired or-”

“I'm sure.” Will interrupted, his hand played with Dipper's hair, making him blush. “This is the most fun I had in a while.” His smile was wicked, he tucked the driver's earlobe, sending shivers all over his body.

Dipper giggled. “Easy, sailor. Wait until we get there, I don't want to crash the car.”

“Yeah, I like anticipation, pent up the desire.”

“You're so corny.” Yet he had to admit he was turned on.

“Corny? No, I'm ho-”

“Please don't ruin the moment.” Dipper interrupted.

Will laughed and let go of the driver's ear, he turned to the playlist, skipping through until he found one he particularly enjoyed and cranked up the volume. He opened the window and let his head out, his hair beamed like a wheat field in the wind and he had his tongue out like a dog. Dipper smiled at the scene and opened his window as well, feeling the cool air.

It was the first open field they passed through in a long time, the sun was high in the spotless baby blue sky, reflecting against the green high grass that blew in the wind. Dipper had to take off his hat so not to lose it, his hair was blown back reviling his dotted forehead.

“I love your birthmark.” Will commented, leaned on the door so he could look at the driver while his own head was still out.

“Really?” Dipper blushed, grinning like a little kid. “I though you put my hat on so you wouldn't see it.” He confessed.

“Nonsense!” Will reached out to him, stroking his thumb on his forehead. “It suits you.”

Dipper smiled. People either made fun of it or ignored it, very very few ever complimented it, when they did, he beamed with happiness.

Will laid back on his seat, his hand played against the wind. At that moment, Dipper was in love with him and he couldn't be happier.

“Thank you, Will.” Dipper said. “Thank you so much.”

Will looked at him confused.

-

The playlist repeated, Dipper cringed when the first song started playing and smacked his hand on the stereo, turning to radio interference, the white noise was a tearjerker. The passenger kept quiet, listening the driver fuming with anger and twisting the map in his hand.

“Why aren't we there yet? Where the hell are we?” Dipper's fist punched the steering wheel, hitting the horn twice, the car gained speed.. “Stupid fucking road with not a single fucking sign anywhere, where are the damn turnarounds?” He screamed, knuckles turned to white. “I wanna go home.” He sobbed, tears streaming down his face. “There's got to be an explanation for this, something supernatural, playing games with me.” His broken voice was frantic

“What the hell are you talking about?” Will asked, annoyance. “Maybe that stupid horse toothed waitress gave us an old map. Man, you're really losing it.”

The car slowed to a stop by the side of the road. Dipper laid his head on the wheel and let go of any frustration he had, screaming and cursing. Will had to hold him when he started to smack his head on the horn and pulled him from his seat

He shuddered in the man's embrace, wetting his shirt with tears.

“I deserve this.” Dipper cried. “It's best for everyone if I don't go back home.” He laid on top of Will, his head on the man's chest, the seat was lowered as far as it could. “I just need to say I'm sorry. I just want them to know how much I love them and that I messed up and-” His words turned to sobs, Will hugged him tighter. “You won't leave me too, right? Please, if we have to spend the night on another motel, please, tell me I won't wake up without you there.” He looked into the man's eye, a tear falling on his eyepatch.

Will pulled him to a long and deep kiss until the sobbing and shaking stopped. “I'm sticking with you, whether we find this place or not.”

Dipper smiled from ear to ear, his lips quivered, a wave of relief came down and he hugged the man under him, who laid kisses on his cheek.

“Maybe it's better this way, it won't be so scary.” He kept mumbling, his lover nodded.

“We just keep driving, we won't have to go anywhere.” Will said, stroking his back.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Sleep a bit my darling, let me take the wheel.”

Dipper blushed, letting the man slither to the other seat, starting the car again.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Another night, another city, another motel. Yet, everything looked exactly the same. Dipper had another nose bleed, and now he was being served a fine wine “to make your boo-boo go away.” Will said and filled the glasses.

“Why are always trying to get me drunk?” Dipper asked, halfway through his glass.

“Do get you to stop wallowing in misery.” The man answered, finishing his first, pouring another.

The TV was on a marathon of cheesy and corny romantic music videos, the song Wicked Game was playing, Will danced around pantless, making the other man laugh.

“If you think this is sexy, you're mistaken.” Dipper pointed at him.

“Bet I can still take you to bed tonight.”

“That's already happening. You know what turns me on?” Dipper took another swig. “If you start crying-singing to Seal's kiss from a rose.”

“How sadistic of you.” He laid on the bed and drank from the bottle.

“Whoa, you can't have sex sober?” Dipper crossed his legs, leaning against the bed headboard, Will laid at the edge, his slender figure stretched across it's length.

“Look who's talking.”

Dipper grunted in response, taking the rest of his glass in one swig. “I can't do it tonight, I'm still sore.” He sat on a pillow, thinking of stealing it to use on the car.

Will passed him the bottle, he turned it, taking two long gulps _“where did I go wrong?”_ Dipper though, as the drinking finally started the desirable effect of any depressant.

“You can take me this time, but don't get used to it.”

The brunet chuckled “Oh yeah? I took you for a versatile.”

Will shook his head and drank more.

They started swapping between kissing and drinking, by the third bottle, they undressed what was left of their clothes, except for the eyepatch and the hat.

“Is this some kind of fetish?” Dipper asked.

“Yes.” Will said and shut him up with a kiss.

Will had a hand across Dipper's face and an arm around his waist in a hot embrace, the strong taste of wine in his lips and breath. Dipper had to be careful not to let the man have his way again, so he placed his hands on Will's shoulders and rolled him around so he was in control, the man chuckled and Dipper shut him up by nipping on his jaw.

Dipper unwrapped one of the ten condoms they bought _“Let's have a busy night!”_ Will said, waving it around the store, making Dipper want to bury himself alive.

He turned Will to his stomach and entered him.

“I'm going to make you change your mind about topping only.” Dipper challenged.

“Shut up and drive.” Will dared.

There was no love, Dipper knew it, they were mating like animals in heat, releasing their tension on each other, the pent up aggression with alcohol and lust. Dipper didn't hold back and Will wasn't protesting, in fact, he was demanding, screaming orders like a drill sergeant despite his position, the man on top teased and disobeyed, further maddening him.

 

–

They indeed had a busy night, falling asleep when the sun started to rise, too wasted to continue. “We only used three of them” Will said, disappointed. “Let's do something funny, like filling them with water and throwing at the parked cars.” Dipper objected, they did it anyway, but nothing happened, not even an alarm. “Boring, let's go to sleep.”

Dipper woke up first, groaning at the daylight, plagued by another nightmare he couldn't remember. A sense of hopelessness dawned on him. He would drive and drive, never getting anywhere , Will would lose patience and leave him. History would repeat itself and he would end alone again with only his regrets to plague him.

He turned away from the window and cuddled Will, who let out an adorable moan,

and closed his heavy hangover eyes. Dipper breathed in his lover's scent, it calmed and excited him at the same time, he was transfixed by the man, an adoration he never felt before.

Put the fault in his current situation, alone and disappointing everyone, of course he would cling to the first person that gave him any attention. He wanted more than to be on the rebound, he wanted to love Will when he wasn't drunk, horny or miserable. Now he was all of the above, and it wasn't a good place to solidify a relationship.

He had to go home and figure things out before anything else.

“Let's take a shower.” He said, stroking the blonde hair.

“No, let's sleep a bit more.” Will complained.

“We have to go, it's late already.”

“Where? Why? Didn't you say it didn't matter?”

“I can't just disappear like this, I need closure at least.”

Will grunted, “Fine, but you're going down on me this time.”

Dipper chuckled, what a maniac.

 ---

Back on the road, the scenery was testing Dipper's patience, growing sick of the same vegetation that covered the roads making him feel like there was no progress at all. He would have to take a vacation somewhere else after this was over, in a boat or a plane, no cars.

“I like pine trees.” Will commented, he laid his head against the window.

Dipper felt his hairs stood up and a nasty feeling in his mouth.

“Say that again.” He asked.

“What?”

“What you just said.”

“I said I like the trees, but I can see why you're getting sick of them.” Will grabbed a nacho, handing it to Dipper. “Here, a perfect nacho, a divine gift to you.”

“No thanks.” Dipper refused, Will stared at him narrow eyed, clearly insulted.

“What's wrong with you?”

“Sorry, okay? I just want to get home, and I don't know if you notice, but we are getting closer and closer. This time is supposed to be only two hours.” Dipper didn't take his eyes off the road, the pressure on the pedal stronger.

“Okay then, wake me up when this song starts playing for the third time, then we can talk.”

“Dammit, Will? Why are you so calm about this? Your job is at risk here, and don't you have a family or someone that's worried about you?” Dipper snapped.

“No, why else would I enjoy this so much?”

Dipper felt a lump in his throat and bit his lips. “I'm glad you are here, I really am, I don't think I could go through this without you.”

Will looked away, focusing on the window.

“I need you, okay?” Dipper confessed “The last thing I want is you leaving me too, I can't have this, I had enough.” He held Will's hand, the man slightly flinched. “I need to get things straight, but I figured out I want you there with me, if you don't have anything holding you back then stay with me.”

The passenger said nothing, but grabbed the hand that held his.

“It's just...” Dipper continued “I'm so sick of being lost.”

“We'll get there eventually.” Will shrugged. “Or we can get to Portland again and get your gps going on, or buy a new one...”

“That's not what I mean” The driver interrupted. “I can't be honest with you, I can't be the way I want to be because I've been so lost and confused these last months that I don't know if what I am right now is even real.” He confessed, his fingers fidgeting on the wheel. “This whole fucking year has been the same loop over and over again repeating the same mistakes and disappointing people all over again and I don't seem to learn.”

The fidgeting turned into a quick punch at the wheel. “ Everyone, _everyone,_ around me is getting their shit together and why I'm not? Why did I stay behind on Falls? Because I'm a coward, I can't move on. Now I'm stuck in this irony, this twisted divine intervention and I don't know what else it wants me to learn.” Dipper fumed, the car was going fast and Will grabbed his seat in fear.

“Dipper, your nose” Will said, Dipper didn't notice he was getting dizzy until the track became blurred. “Stop the car, you're bleeding again.” The passenger shouted, Dipper slowed down and Will grabbed the steering wheel as he started to lose conscience.

-

When he recovered, he had tissues in his nose, laying down in the passenger's seat. The car was stopped. He looked around, a gas station, a diner and a motel next to each other, but nothing else apparently. “Please let this be the last one” Dipper prayed.

Will was nowhere to be seen, the car was parked by the diner, so he headed inside. Dipper let out a sigh of relief when he spotted his friend at the furthest table, looking gloomy.

Dizziness shifted the room as he made his way to the table.

“You gave me quiet a scare.” Dipper said, taking a seat across the man.

“Me?” He said, taking a bite of his waffle. “Feeling better?”

“A little dizzy, but better.”

“You're still bleeding.”

Dipper wiped his nose to more red. He got up to the restroom, the dizziness getting stronger, his entire body ached. Washing his nose, the blood didn't stop coming. Will stood behind, holding him still.

“We should call an ambulance.” Dipper said.

“From where? Let's go now, I talked to the waiter and we are actually close this time, look.” Will held a map, another red X was marked so near it almost crossed Falls. “It's an open road, no way we can miss it.”

Dipper was relieved, Will carried him to the car and they were on the road, driving fast. He held himself and closed his eyes, lying back on his lowered seat.

“What do you think is happening to me?” He asked.

“I really don't know, but don't worry, we are almost there.” Will answered, Dipper frowned, picking up a bit of malice in the driver's voice. “Your family must be dying of worry.”

“I don't know, I tried calling them twice, but no one answered.”

“How bad did you mess up for them to ignore you?”

Dipper frowned again, his eyes still closed. He grunted in response, starting to get nauseous with the car shaking.

“Stop the car for a bit.” Dipper said, struggling to sit up.

Will complied, the passenger opened his door and threw up, not bothering to leave his seat.

“Oh god, is this blood?” He asked, staring at his red puke.

“Wine maybe.” Will looked over him.

“No, it's blood. What's happening to me?”

“Can we go?”

Dipper nodded and Will started the car again.

“I can't die right now.”

“You're not going to die.” Will reassured, but Dipper ignored, both hands covered his head.

“Is this the alcohol? It must be the alcohol. I should have listened.” He panicked. “I'm so stupid, so negligent.”

“Here we go again.” Will rolled his eyes and patted the man's thigh, Dipper was shivering.

“I'm so sorry, Mabel, you were right, you're always right.” He pleaded to no one.

“Get some sleep, okay? I'll tell you when we arrive.”

It was easier said than done. Dipper watched the sun shifting in the sky, overcast clouds moving in slow motion. He could swear he saw a car crashed deep into the woods, he felt queasy and fragile. If he was to die today, the least he could say was sorry.

So he rummaged through his bag, taking one last look at the strange journal that he carried with for so many years, so many wonderful years. He put it back and grabbed a notebook he once used it for his writing and opened in a clear page, the majority.

“What are you doing?” Will asked, eyes shifting to the passenger scribbling.

“I need you to do me a favour. Go to the mystery shack and give this to my grunkle.”

“Give it yourself.”

“In case something bad happens to me.”

Will sighed loudly.

Dipper's tears fell in the paper, mixing with the ink. He laid out every mistake he did, not only recently, but every single one he could remember, and apologized profusely. His writing became erratic and shivery and he dropped the pen under the seat. He swore so loud that Will almost lost control.

“You're being pathetic right now.” Will muttered, Dipper stared at him, trying to comprehend the accusation.

“Fuck you.” He replied. “You don't know what I'm going through.”

Will opened his window and spit, Dipper took it personally. The playlist looped.

“You have nothing! No one! I bet you don't even have a job! You're just a wandering idio-” He froze, eyes wide at the stranger driving the car, his hand that pointed aggressively at the man turned into a trembling fist that struck the dashboard, the radio turned on to a conversation distorted by white noise.

“You've been screwing with me since the beginning, haven't you?” Dipper accused. “You've been changing the maps, driving to other places while I was unconscious.” He was red, his clenched tooth baring his teeth, a bit of blood dripped from his bruised lips. “You keep delaying this just so you can get me drunk and fuck me! You sick bastard!”

The man stared at him with a toneless expression. On the radio someone was crying and arguing and it sounded dreadfully disturbing with all the distortion.

“You want to take the wheel, then?” Will said, Dipper thought he was bluffing, but the car slowed down “Go ahead, take us to Gravity Falls, driver. You've been doing a marvellous job so far.”

The driver stopped the car and left without a word, crossing to the other side.

“No thanks to you.” Dipper hopped into the seat, anxious to start and he did as soon as the other closed the door, stepping on the gas, the car screeched.

“I'm getting to this fucking town even if it takes forever and I won't fucking stop. This car can die, I will get out and walk, no more shitty towns, no more shitty motels, no more you, no more.” He spat in anger, his teeth clenched and his muscles tensed. Will stared at him without saying a word, watching his nose start to bleed again, the same crimson liquid stained his blue and white cap.

The road wasn't completely straight, but Dipper didn't seem to care, he wouldn't slow down.

“I'm not dying in this car.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

The car was fast, cutting through the leaves that fell on the road. Dipper wouldn't budge, his arms spasm with exhaustion, shirt tainted with blood from his nose and his lip that he bit constantly with anger.

“Did you mean it when you said I can stay with you?” Will asked, breaking a long silence.

“You're joking, right?.” Dipper asked, not bothering to look at him.

“Why do you even want to go back? They don't care.”

“Stop messing with my head.”

“It's over, everyone moved on, without you.” Will's voice was muffled, blood covered Dipper's ear.

“Shut up!” He screamed, his hands trembling and made the car swirl, almost losing control. “You're leaving next stop, Falls or not. We aren't close enough for you to keep prying on my life. I won't let you mess with me anymore.”

“Not close enough? After all we did?”

“That meant shit to you. Whoever you are.”

“It did! If it didn't I would leave.”

“If you knew me well enough, than you wouldn't do what you did.” Dipper spat “We don't know each other, all we did was get drunk and have sex. I need more than this, but now I feel like I can't trust you anymore.”

“What's wrong with a little drinking and sex? You seemed to enjoy it.”

“Little drinking? You put me to shame with how much you drink and I promised my family I would stop. We can't get through this if we keep drinking like that.” Dipper said, fidgeting his fingers. “And the sex? Can we even make love? We almost kill each other every time, this isn't healthy.”

Will let out a loud and long grunt, falling back on his seat.

“I'm sorry, Will. We're not going to last.”

“You are so pathetic, indecisive, so dull! After all these years I expected a little more from my little pine tree.” Will grimace.

Dipper was petrified, he couldn't move, stop the car or even look at him. “B-b-Bill?” He chocked.

“B-b-b-Bill?” The demon mocked him. “I didn't even need to make up a clever name, just change the first letter, really? That's disappointing.”

“What are you doing with me? Why?” Dipper cried.

“I'm not doing anything, you brought this on yourself.” Bill said, grabbing his backpack, retrieving an empty bottle of vodka and tossed on Dipper's lap. “I'm just passing by, hitch hiking on your last moments. You should thank me, it would be very lonely without me, admit it.”

He waited for the driver to answer, except he kept quiet, too petrified to stop the car, the realization of what he'd done hit him, like a strong drink, like a fast car out of control. Now Bill was pulling strings and manipulating him again.

“But I like you, I really, _really_ , like you. Pine Tree. And before all of this you seemed to like me too. To adore me even. Why can't you just ignore this and we go back to kissing each other?”

“This is all a lie! You fooled me all this time!”

“No, I've been more than honest all this time. I really like it rough and I like it on top, although you almost changed my mind on your second try.” He laughed, Dipper felt disgusted with himself.

“Why? Is it the journal that you want? Take it them. It's right there, get rid of it, it's been only giving me trouble lately.”

“That? No, no, no. I want this.” Bill took Dipper's hat from the man's head, it was stained with red. He wiped his fingers in it and licked them. Dipper gagged. “So, can I have it?” He said, putting it on his head and staring at the mirror. “I look good with it. Usually I would settle with a top hat, but it works.”

“Keep it.”

“Ugh, you didn't get the metaphor.” Bill rolled his eyes, but Dipper did.

“You can keep the hat, as a souvenir from the trip. Nothing else.”

“Cocky, eh? I like it.” The demon's smirk wasn't so appealing anymore. “But are you sure? Your time is running out.”

Lights appeared on the horizon, it was Falls. Dipper has seen it too many times in his life.

“What's going to happen to me?” He shuddered to ask, vodka leaked on his lap, yet he felt it on his lips and his throat.

And on his vision too.

“You die, _or,_ you'll survive, mine forever, you'll live as I say, behave as I order, bend when I so desire.” He was so close to Dipper, breathing on his cheek. “A small cost to see your family and you can read that cheesy letter you wrote them.”

Dipper couldn't control his body, the car speeding up, twirling around the road and almost crashing into another car, the woman inside it honked and screamed at him.

“Can I stay with them?”

“You can see them, but if they interfere I might have to cut your ties. Take you on a road trip that never ends.” He winked, it looked awkward now.

Dipper felt bile in his throat, he gagged and shivered. He couldn't live for someone else like this, he wanted to move on from his stagnation, from his fears and anxieties, that was the reason he was in that car to begin with, he didn't need new problems. Dying now was a better option than living with an invisible leash on his neck, worrying his family even more. Bill certainly wouldn't let him rid of the alcohol.

“Fuck you Bill, let me die.” He said.

Bill shook his head. “Oh Pine Tree, always so defiant, in bed and in death. That's why I love you so much.” He smiled, falling back on his seat. “I guess I'll miss you...”

The driver's vision blurred to the point that he couldn't distinguish anything, he swung left and right, losing control of his limbs like a inebriated man. The car bumped on something and fell off the road, crashing over rocks and tree roots, shaking everything inside like a earthquake, Dipper's head hit the window and he passed out.

He woke up to a head splitting headache, his airbag pressing him to his seat, he got it out of the way and wiped the blood from his eyes. The hood was bent around a giant tree, smashed all the way to the front window. The door's blood stained window shattered when he opened it . He unbuckled his seatbelt, _“thanks, mom”_ and tripped to the dirt, half of a broken bottle of vodka fell along. He had little cuts and glass all over his arms, a bigger one was bleeding, but not too much, he hoped.

He was still alive, praying that Bill was just bluffing. Climbing through the same rocks that he tumbled through, he made his way back to the road. Shattered glass and even his exhaust pipe were scattered around, skewed tire marks led to his crash. The sun reflected from the pavement and he realized he wasn't wearing his hat. An unbearable pain crushed his ribs.

The city showed it's face, Dipper cried in relief as he saw the falls in the background, he was so close to arrival, he shouldn't had lost hope.

Tourists bundled to take a picture against a sign that said “Welcome to Gravity Falls”. A little girl screamed at his sight, everyone hushed to assist.

He took two more steps, but the pain was too much. A man ran to him shouting “I'm a doctor!”. He collapsed on the grass, the doctor crouched beside him.

“Sir, sir, look at me. You need to stay awake.”

Dipper used all his strength to reach his pocket, taking a piece of paper and handing it to the man. “Take this to the mystery shack.” He coughed “Tell them I love them more than anything.”

Dipper felt his body going numb and the light dimming, he closed his eyes and slept.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, whether it's over for Dipper or not is up to you. Shout out to the anon that kinda figured it out in the comments.  
> Next chapter is an experiment that was supposed to be before this chapter, but it's long and I'm not sure I can pull it off without alienating everyone (yes, it's that pretentious, too much evangelion analysis corroding my brain.)  
> Thank you for everyone that read and commented, I didn't expected it to get this much attention, hope you weren't let down by the ending cheers :)


	7. The Horrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an experimental chapter that's supposed to explain more of the story.

Dipper unlocked the doors, the woman next to him grabbed her purse from her feet.

“Before you leave, take this.” She plugged a usb driver on the port of his car's stereo.

“Did he give it to you?” He asked as a calm guitar started to wail in reverb.

She sighed “No and don't worry, there are no Sundays or Tori Amos here either. It's just some good highway music. I don't want you to have a break down while driving, again...” She said, he grumbled in response. “Hey man, are you sure you don't want me to drive you back?” She asked, brushing her red hair away from her worried eyes.

“It's okay, Wendy, I can do it.” He answered, trying his best to look into her eyes.

“Promise me that you won't be drinking, then.”

“I promise.”

She raised her pinky finger, he raised his, entwining them.

“Just tell Mabel that I soon as I get back home, I'll start working things out, I promise.”

“She knows Dipper, it's up to you now not to disappoint her.” She laid a hand on his shoulder, making him blush, her touch still had an effect over him even after all this time. “We're all ready to support you, it doesn't matter where we are, we'll always be friends.”

He nodded, having heard the same before, a truth he couldn't wrap his head around.

“Keep the beard, though. It looks good on you and I know he likes it too” She winked, he blushed even more.

“You think I still have any chance?”

“I'm sure you do.”

She squeezed his shoulder and left, waving her hand goodbye as he started the car.

-

He hit the highway as soon as he could, eager to get home and show everyone that he could do it, he was already clean for a day and sure it's been rough, but Dipper was confident that nothing would stop him from fully recovering.

The playlist was a blessing. He hummed along, distracting himself from his dangerous wandering mind that insisted on reminding him of the trainwreck he was trying to pull himself from.

_ 'You were so bright, honey. Why would you do this to yourself?” _

_'I'm not keeping a drunk in my house, get yourself together.'_

_'Why won't you let us help you?'_

The voices screamed in his head, he turned the volume up as they piled up to a buzzing mess. If only they'd understand that it wasn't the drinking that caused the problems, the problems caused the drinking.

He shouted the song's lyrics to shut them up.

–

It was almost two hours in when an outburst of anxiety and tremors started. He held on as much as he could, but when he sighted a small settlement he knew he had to stop. Dipper parked the car by a diner, the shivering and the sun making him sticky with sweat, he unbuttoned his corduroy shirt. The air was so hot and dry, he felt queasy steeping out of the cool car.

The diner was nearly empty, save from some bikers and a family with two kids. He sat on the furthest table, away from the people and the sun that covered almost half of the place, the fans on the ceiling did almost nothing to help the heat.

A waitress hesitantly approached him with a menu.

“What's the coldest thing you have?” He asked before she could do anything.

“Um, we have a milkshake?” She asked, holding on to the menu like a shield.

“Yeah, get me one.” He said, twisting his shaking hands against each other.

She rushed away from him, out of the corner of his eyes he saw the bikers eyeing him. One made a snorting motion to the others and they chuckled. The children were being too loud and cheerful with their own milkshakes. Their laughter was like a drill in his ears, Dipper was aware of how jealous he was, yet he couldn't help from being irritated.

The waitress served his milkshake in a rush like he was a snake ready to attack and left with a polite and shaky “bon appetit!”, a forced smile that infuriated him.

Halfway through his milkshake, the family had left and a couple of bikers walked in, greeting their friends. Dipper's uneasiness grew, he became paranoid, wishing he could drive away before he got in trouble, but his shaking was so much even the glass on the table was clattering.

He jumped on his chair when his phone began to ring, all eyes went to him.

“Grunkle Stan?” He quivered, slumping his shoulders and turning away from the people.

“Dipper, are you on the road already?” Asked the rough voice of his granduncle.

“Yeah, yeah.” He tried to sound as calm as he could.

“Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“What the hell, kid. You shouldn't be alone.”

“I can handle it, I'm not going to drink.”

“How many times have you said that already?”

Dipper turned from the phone to curse.

“I'm getting it right this time, Grunkle Stan.” He reassured.

“You better be, your sister called me and explained the situation.”

Dipper almost let the phone drop, he insisted that he was going to be the one to tell.

“I'm willing to help, son, but it's you who have to compromise to this.” Stan continued

The youngest rolled his eyes, glad that his grunkle wasn't there to see it.

“This is an ultimatum, I'm warning you.” The elder's voice became menacing. “I can't have a drunk scaring my costumers anymore.”

“That's all you care about, eh? Your fucking costumers and your fucking money.” Dipper raised his voice.

“Listen to me, Dipper.” Stan shouted, his anger still sent shivers down Dipper's spine just like when he was young, maybe even worse. “I've been kind to you, I gave you a home, I kept up with your problems, but you keep taking me for granted. Now you either get better or you get out. So get your ass back and we'll deal with this situation, but I need you to be focused on this. Ok?”

Dipper remained silent, breathing heavily against the phone.

“I got to go, call me when you see Falls. _ Drive safely.”  _ His grunkle ordered, but Dipper knew he wanted to say  _ drive sober _ .

As soon as the call was out, he received another, this time from his sister.

“Mabel, I told you not to tell Grunkle Stan.” He blurted before she could say anything.

“I'm sorry, bro-bro, but you know how you explain things.”

“Why is everyone treating me like a child today?”

“I'm sorry, okay?” She yelled. “Look, I called you to apologize for what I said, you weren't in a good state and I was just so mad I wasn't thinking straight, I'm sorry.”

Dipper's tremors became so intense he had problems holding the phone.

“Yeah, sure.” He dismissed, knowing his sister was hurt by it.

“Can you call me when you arrive?” She waited for a response, Dipper was covering his face from crying. “Can you call me back?” She raised her voice.

“Yes, I'll call you when I get to the shack.”

He hung up before her, letting the phone drop from his trembling hands and crash on the floor. He rushed to pick it up, but it was too late, the screen was cracked, he let a sign of relief when it lit up again. Dipper shoved it on his pocket, threw some change on the table and headed to the bathroom.

The man on the mirror scared and disgusted him, no wonder he was receiving stares of discomfort. He washed his face with cold water several times, taking time to control his breathing until all the shivering stopped.

He tried leaving the diner in a hurry.

“Are you okay there, boy?” Asked a bald biker when he was close to the door, Dipper stiffed. “You're not thinking of driving like that?”

“No, sir” He answered “I was just going to rest in my car.”

“Good, you're in no condition of driving.” The biker commented, how many times has Dipper been treated like a child today?

“Yes, I agree.” He nodded and left to the summer heat, rushing to his car.

-

It was a furnace inside, he cranked the a/c as cold and strong as possible. The shivers were lesser now, yet he couldn't drive, specially not after the biker's scolding, what if they followed him if he left now?

So Dipper curled on his seat, thankful that he parked in a spot that had a little bit of shadow from a tree nearby. He listened to the playlist repeat. Wendy did her best not to include songs that reminded him of his ex, yet she didn't know all of them, as the one right now reminded Dipper of him.

He picked up the phone out of impulse, dialling the man, he got his voice mail instead.

“Hey, it's me...” Dipper held his breath, hugging his knees, “I know you hate me right now, but I'm sorry...” He shifted on his seat, feeling uncomfortable regardless of his position “I didn't mean to do it, that man on the bar...” He felt tears coming, annoyed that he couldn't finish a sentence.

“I would never do that to you, but I'm not myself anymore, you know who I was, and I would never cheat on you, this isn't me.” His words were quivery and he stopped to sob, “I was wasted, he was guilty tripping me and took advantage. I thought you didn't love me anymore, that I wasn't worthy enough for you.”

Dipper was having a hard time holding his phone, leaning it against the seat. The voice mail sent itself and he cursed, dialling it again.

“I love you so much, you're a sorta fairytale book I can't put it back” He chuckled between sobs, losing control of the shivering again. “That was terrible, I'm sorry. I just _need_ you to call me, whenever you want, but please call me. We need to talk, I can change if you want me to, but I don't know if I can make it through without you, okay?” He blurted it all in one sentence, before the message was sent.

It was terrible and he sounded drunk, but Dipper felt relief when he let go of the phone.

It blinked a warning of low battery, he cursed at it, searching his bag and car for his charger, yet it was nowhere to be found.

He wasn't going anywhere but in a ditch by roadside on his condition, so he inclined the seat as much as he could and laid down as comfortable as it could get. The sun had shifted and most of the car was under shadows, he was able to fall asleep.

-

Dipper woke up to another car parking next to him, a couple of tourists making their way towards the diner. He scratched his heavy eyes, muscles numb and sore at the same time. The sun had yet to set, but it hid behind the diner.

Panicking, he was on the road in a flash. His GPS wouldn't get past the loading screen.

“Dammit, Grunkle Stan! Stop buying knock-off junk!” He screamed at the equipment.

His phone was already dead as well , Dipper cursed again, the anger getting in the way of his controlled breathing and the trembling returning.

_“Cause if you're going thru hell, you just keep going”_ He sang along, keeping his white knuckles on the steering wheel.

He turned off the a/c to save fuel and opened his window to feel the cool wind, setting his pine tree hat aside so it would'nt get blown away. The sun began to set, shining it's last orange rays through the trees creating an entrancing contrast of light and shadow on the road.

He scratched his scruffy beard, rocking his head, appreciating the masterful job Wendy did creating this playlist, the only thing keeping his sanity and his car on the road.

Despite the distraction and beautiful scenery, Dipper was growing anxious at the end of every song, the road was never ending and despite being a mostly straight way, he feared he had no idea where he was.

Any rare sign was either too faded or he was unable to recognize, none of them had a clear instruction on how to get to Falls, but he kept on following his plan and driving straight.

–

The sun had set, by now his grunkle was cursing him to his very soul, his sister probably in panic. Either that or everyone was glad he was gone. With the anxiety creeping back, Dipper held the wheel extra hard, holding it against the tremors. He dodge a dead fox, it's gruesome carrion made him queasy.

He sighted another settlement, even double checking if it wasn't the same as before. Dipper stopped to fuel his car, he tried the GPS once again without success.

“Do you have a map?” He asked to the station's cashier, the small asian man gave him one “Where are we?” The smiling man pointed at a spot that gave Dipper a head splitting headache.

He headed to a payphone next to the entrance, knowing exactly who to call.

“Who's this?” The voice asked.

“Wendy?”

“Dipper! Man, where the hell are you?” She sounded urgent, relief came to him, at least she still cared.

“I'm in a small town south of Portland, I got lost.” He muttered.

“How the hell did you get lost?”

“It's all falling apart, first my GPS and then my phone.”

“Yeah, I found your charger under the bed, figured out why you weren't answering.”

Dipper grunted, sitting on the floor by the phone, the cord stretched thin.

“Can you call Stan? I can't drive right now. I might have to spend the night.” He said, feeling the anxiety taking full effect, he had to force himself not to cry. Wendy couldn't know, it would only worry her further.

“Yeah, I'll tell him. He's really worried, we all are.”

“Everyone?” He asked, she knew what he meant.

“ _Everyone”_ She reinforced, followed by a intense silence, Dipper couldn't tell if she was telling the truth. “Are you feeling okay?”

He bit his lips. “Yeah, I'm just a little tired.” He laid his head on his knees, spotting a liquor store down the street, he was smothered by a unquenchable thirst, a dreadful desire like never before that shook his body violently. He sobbed.

“Dipper? Are you there?”

“Sorry, it's a bit cold” He lied, the tremors were evident in his voice, the shivering of his jaw were similar to a man that just got out of a frozen lake.

“Get some sleep and call me again when you're about to leave, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Actually, I should go there and-”

“No!” He interrupted. “It will take too long and I can do it on my own, I was just lost.”

“Okay...”

“I'm going, call you in the morning, bye.”

“Please call me. Bye.” She hung up.

Ears ringing, body and mind craving for alcohol. He let go of all the tears he held during the call, sobbing and shivering violently. The asian man stood by him.

“You ok?” He asked. Dipper raised a thumb, the man bowed and walked back to the store.

Dipper stared at the green and red neon sign on the store, what kind of sick bastard would open a liquor store by a highway?

Soon, he found himself walking towards it, leaving the car by the gas pump. Praying for it to be locked, he swung the door open, the sight of bottles turned a switch on his body that boosted his desire and anger.

He walked through the shelves filled with rage, wishing to break and burn the entire place down. Shivering hands hovered through bottles, stopping at one like a metal detector that started to beep. He held it sensually, running his fingers through it's curves like a lover's body, licking his dry lips at the transparent liquid. He never felt such a strong overwhelming desire, all else was bland. The faces of his family and friends were gone, nothing else mattered.

_“Just one for now”_ A voice screamed desperately, fighting against a hundred others that shouted the opposite. He hurried to the cashier and left before his desires could take him over again.

What happened afterwards was a blur, he watched his body mechanically drive his car by the motel, rent a room and fight to unwrap the lid, his shaking fingernails digging against it until he attacked with his tooth like an animal.

The tremor reached to a level that rendered him useless, he used all his strength to set the bottle on the dresser before he could break it and fell to the bed, curling into a ball. His body jerked violently. He grabbed a pillow, pressing against it for comfort. It didn't stop until he lost conscience.

-

When he woke up, his whole body ached, the muscles were stiff and sore, dried saliva covered his mouth, leaving a bitter taste. Dipper was filthy, covered in sweat. He crawled to the dresser and reached for the bottle, no voices screamed, no thoughts plagued him, no faces came to mind except for one, a face he couldn't recognize, couldn't place a name or meaning to it.

He turned the bottle, taking three successive gulps, relief washed his soul of filth. Oh, how beautiful it was. He turned it again, making halfway through. Disorientation and nausea and happiness came along the strong, throat burning liquid.

He stared at a blurry man sitting on a chair next to the bed.

“What took you so long?” The man asked with a devilish smile, he held a glass in his hand, rocking it slightly, it shined against the light.

“Life and stuff, you know how it goes.” Dipper answered

“Well, that's boring.”

“Yup.” Dipper chuckle was followed by a hiccup.

“Let's not let that happen again, hm?”

“Nope.”

“Cheers then, to a existence devoid of dullness!” The man raised a glass.

“Cheers!” Dipper answered cheerfully, raising his bottle before turning to swallow the rest of it. “Bummer, I need to get another one.” He tried to raise himself from the bed and fell back mid way, giggling.

“Don't you worry, my dear. I have just what you need.” The man stood up, another bottle in hand.

“You spoiled me so, Bill.”

“All for you, my little pine tree, all for you.” He jumped on bed, straddling the drunk that tried to reach for the bottle, but he raised it away, “Promise you'll stay with me this time?”

“I promise.”

“Good boy.”

Bill gave it to him and watched as Dipper drank until he passed out.

“We're going to have some fun, you and I.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that. I wish I could expand more, but I have to work work work.  
>  thank you again for reading it :)


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